GREATFUL

I use to remember when i lost my way to move on , 
I was thinking about suiciding , about hurting others back ,
Manipulating , and of course attitudes , personalities 
BUT  ..
None of those thinking makes me feel right . 
I'm not the kind of like 'giving' back bad things that people ' gave' to me . 
I'm not the kind of hurting myself to let others feels right ?
I'l just talk back when it needs to defend my self and my rights but not straightly to the person that i was meant to talk with . 
Honestly , I don't have the GUTS . 
I don't find problems with others .
It's just things turned out different from what i expected . 
I was naive , what do you expect ?  
So i just shut up and talk behind that person's back . 
HAHA .
Foolish am i ? But ! 
THERE'S A GOOD REASON FOR EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED . 
At the same time when i was hurt , i wish that person's the best ..
I wish that he'l find out the reason why we HATED each other .
Why we OFFEND , DISGRACE and even CRUSH each other .

So now i am being stronger then before . 
Being more mature then i use to be . 

I'm THANKFUL , to that person . Others too , who treated me the same way . 
For now i know the meaning of standing alone , fight for myself .  
For that person hurted me the most , is the person who cherish my life with faith .
My world was once dark , but now i see colours again .
I'VE MOVED ON .

. 

TODAY MY LIFE BEGINS .

It's a little bit late for me to type this post now but it's better then not typing at all right ? 
HAHA :p
It's not really a memorial day it's just that i'm finally in college ~
HAHA ! happy happy -ing ! :D ~
I have a crazy roommate , a whole bunch of nice housemates and things went well more then i expected . 
Although this week is the ' seniors bully juniors ' ( oriantation ) week but im ok .
They have their own reason to be mean with us so as long the reason is acceptable im cool with it .
Im so excited about study hard for great marks before i came here . 
Now i have to think bout how to arrange times so i wont feel to exhausted and my one and only worries is that when its time for my period what should i do ?
I always have to eat pills because the pain makes me can't stand it ! Hurt alot ya know ?? @@
Hmm , hope my roommate can help me out lol  , i know she will :)


But still , i started a new life .
I had my second chance , so imma use it well . 
I dont wanna dissapoint myself and my family so im gonna study very very hard this time . 
Even though im not sure how's my cabability to these new subjects but im gonna give my best .
I know i can do it . I surely will :)

MOVED ON

Im happy , to see you .
To talk to you , once more .
To hold your hand , again .. 

But ..

i've moved on . 
Like i should . 
And i would . 
So i'l  forget everything else , 
FOR your hand it's not mine to hold .
FOR your smile , it's not because of me anymore .
FOR your love , have someone better to deserve it . 

AND NOW ,  i'l do the same :) 
I hope your happy with your choice cause i'm happy with mine .


MY DEAR ,
I promise you , to stay calm when it comes to handle things .
To find the best way to settle a problem between us .
Try my best to be a better girl for you and of course , 
To be with you as long as i could :)

When it comes to you i'l try my best in everything . 

Just because I LOVE YOU ♥

SCARED ?

I think .. i'm scared of having new relationships with other guys .
I'm so easily broked down now /.\
So easily , be unhappy but very happy good lucky all the time . 
HAHA .
Hmmm .. OH MG GUYS =='
Give me headaches all the time . HAHA .
I'm not really the kind of socialising girl till this year . I on facebook to add people that i know or people that i think its pretty or just feel like adding them . HAHA . 
But then , when it comes to people adding me , i'l think .
' Why should i approve ? '
' Is he/she's a bad guy ? ' 
' What does 'he/she want from me ? '

Somethin like that . I know it sounds stupid but still , cautious .
After approving a new problem comes . ADMIRERS .
Seriously ?
I dont even know this guy then WHO IS HE TO TELL ME THAT HE'S INTERESTED WITH ME ?
We just small chat for a while then all of da sudden ? Seriously , DAFxx ? 
I dont like it lol . HAHA . 
I just can't stand that kind of stress . I hope i can have my own personal space . 
Don't know why . 
I feel like doesn't want others to know my true feelings , feel like hiding all inside .
At the same time , i feel like having a special person who's always there for me . 
I met many good guys but i just can't have special expectations for them .
NOW , I MET YOU .
Are we ohkay ? Or should i just walk away ?
Give me some time , and i'l decide one day . 

I'm missing you .

I dont feel like writing your name down cause i posted my blog's entry at FB so yeah , no names :)
I'm missing you . And errmm , i'm kinda worried ?
Maybe because i din't want to start another relationship but at the same time i really missed you alot .
Omg please let me stop having this kind of feeling ><
Maybe because i like your style of being yourself , i admirer you for being so cool and mature all the time .
Based on what i know bout you we're still not that close ? 
But i have a feeling that you're avoiding me so i'l stop finding you these days ..
It's just that i'm bout to start a new life WITH or WITHOUT you . 
And you've already start your life at the other place where's far away . At another country .
Seriously you're really quite unusual cause i never fall for a guy just by yamcha with him at one day and with someone i dont know much . 
HAHA . 
I HATE THIS KIND OF FEELING !
HATE IT ALOT >< !
I dont like the feeling of others avoiding me . 
Hmmmmmmm ... =/ What to do ? It's hard to stop liking you ><
Eventhough it's just 3 days but you seriously make me hooked up on you easily =='
Maybe due to lack of social i became like this ? But it's ohkay .
I'l try to let you go anyway . I dont intend to tell you what i feel . 
But .. i dont want toooooooooooo >< 
OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG !!! HOW ?????!! @@

UJIAN BAHAGIAN 2 & 3 :)

Today was my car test with the JPJ . Seriously , FRUSTRATED ==

I was suppoes to arrive at 11am , but since dad desnt have the time i went there at 7 sumthin and arrived at 8 + am . All i can do is wait . And wait ..... and wait =__________=  

I was dying cuz of over-bored . HAHA . 

When it's near to 11 , i went to block C . There's 4 blocks if im not mistaken , i was at black A watching other people who took motor test :) 

And so , WAIT AGAIN ==

I dont remember what time is it but then the 3rd session students went into a hall room and get our numbers and all n all . Before that we stil have to wait INSIDE . Aiyorhmaaahh =='

After that we went to outside at one place there to sit and wait our turn to go on the hills . I was trying to cool down so i wont freak out or panic if my car moves backwards .
YOU KNOW WHAT ? 
The car tat i use was ..... SUCH A PAIN AT THE ASS ==

PROB . A very very PROBLEM-SM CAR == [ lazy to write what prob isit , so i'l skip details ]

Im so relieved to see the JPJ was busy with his own things so he dint saw my car was moving backwards :p

After the hill i felt relieved a bit but then need to worry parking =/

im not really scared bout the 3 pointer cause that part is the easiest part . The JPJ was quite cute act :p YOUNG , HAHA !

Parking was no prob at all , its just that my car got a lil bit senget . haha :p

When it comes to 3 pointer , i suddenly realised sumthin very very bad . My CAR ==

I was like : SH** ! What should i do ?! ------ so my car was reverse stop reverse stop . 

Here comes the PANIC . So i just simply turn right  and  stop cause cant get through or i'l bang the tiang T~T

in the end ----> FAIL .

Hve to wait 1.30pm to continue on the road , so i just drink a tin of chrysanthemum tea .

So MOODY ;( hmm .. :(

After that went back to block C again and WAIT ==

It started to rain later , HEAVILY .

I was so tired and sleepy ~________~

omg >< why ?? why the whole day all i do is wait ?

haiz . 

When its finally my turn on the road im not really in the mood ( i think )

But when i open d car door i heard music . Timbaland's apologize :D 

Then here comes the mood baybeh ! wahahaha :D

The JPJ was a guy and stil new in fatherhood :) a very funny and sporting guy ^^

We went to a shortcut that's not far away then go back to driving school . 

He said im cute . HAHA ! Muehehheeh :p

So yahh , that's today's memory . So freaking tiredddd =______+

Theconclusionimadeis : The whole day all i do is WAIT ==

today met :

--- sasikumar :) such a gentleman ^________^

---comati :) Sweet girl ;)

---nabilah :) know at the end of day , shy shy geh :D ?

---a sweet girl who's taking motor ^^

---another sweet girl who got flu and looks like crying ;)

---2 chinese guys that looks familiar when i dont know them :p 19 years old ;)

---number 21 ! haha :D our number terbalik :p

---number 4 , 30 years old sis :)

---and the JPJ guy :p muahahhaa XD

YOU

YOU , who stoled my courage to love again ,
YOU , who broked my heart deeply inside ,
YOU , who made me believed in word that never truly excisted ,
YOU , who once make me believe in love ,and now not anymore ..

HAHA .

I dont wanna write bout this actually , but , it's my blog n i have the rights to write down what i felt :)
And i dint update my blog long time jorr ;)
Well , yeah . Think bout u ? Once in a blue moon too . Cause u're good , u're really good .
Makes me have a different kind of thinking towards this world :)
But alas , our personality doesn't match . You know what ? I LOVED YOU  .
I truly do . And it's true . Not fake at all and this time , i know it's LOVE :) instead of LIKE .
I know the difference , Yes , maybe i misjudged you .
I tried to change you , to become a better son for your mum and dad . Just to prove to you , your parents and me that being with me you can be a better person . I tried . Very very hard :')

After we're apart , i realised that i've lost you for having that kind of thinking . So funny , huh ?
For just having good thoughts for you when you can't / hard to accept the way i treated you .
It's not your fault . I've tried to control you . That's why . Instead of changing you through the right way , i chosed the hard way . Becuase of my ego , and being arrogant . HAHA .

I know , it's too late . Seriously , i've let you go .
But i dont wanna forget you . You make me feel appreciated , for the 1st time . Although you're the 5th guy i dated . It's all worth it :) I LOVE YOU . Still do , a little bit .
Cause i stil remember you . You changed my mind . Now i'm becoming more mature , and i love myself more . Thanks to you . Thank YOU , for everything .

4/2/2012 khursus L

i wanna write this for like , 2 days ago ? But i dont have the mood and time [ i guess :p ] cause keep busy with houseworks :) ermm , i was suppose to go school to get my girlfriend VIOLIN and level two guitar book from me junior -- YU JING . But me dad's car has no signal , my sis was scared to go so far so canceled it :/ i woke up at 6 tat day == ohkayy , continue my slp n wake up again at 8.30 am . Went to me driving school den saw a long long queue jor =0=' ohh me gooatt ! but oh well , i'l take d shorter queu lol :p i realise i've improved my social skill by just ask ques or talk to unknown strangers xD i dont want to write the whole incident that happened that morning so we'l just skip that part :D the whole speech for 3 hours not bad act , good thing the lecturer is a fun person , we dont feel bored listening to him . haha :D after the speech back to counter wanna check out and sign den find the teacher for 3 hour practical lesson later at 2.30pm . Made 2 friends thr and 3 other friends during practical lesson . The teacher was teaching us bout the engine's and should do what n shouldnt do what , honestly i dont get it at the engine's part lol . haha . im not interested so i dont understand at all :p but then when teacher want us to test drive the car , i went to the back seat to get my beg n realised tat the other 3 has already walk away . Immediately teacher want me to drive 1st . omg !! @@ i nvr drive b4 , scared to death ! i keep shout at teacher i dont know how i m scared etc etc . haha XD after 3 round my mind is stabled n yeaahh i can handle d car :) d engine broke down once only ~ Pro lehhh ! hahah XD after im done its time to let other drive the car while me keep chatting with other 2 ppl n when we're all done teacher ask us to sit in d car to drive us back to counter there , I told them i was mix , all of them were shocked . Why ? i dont know XD haha ! cyeaahhh its fun and funny too XD we went to the cantin to wait the time pass and i exchange with aliff , i already gave andrew my fb acc name but didnt gave him my phone number while bryan i didnt stay contact with him :) i called my sis at 4 but she came at 5.23pm =0='' hate her ~ haha ~ k laa , i lazy write all details so lets ends here . haha ~ chiaw ~ 




People i met today :

- aliff 
-andrew
-bryan
-eng jet
-fakhruddin

Undang exam ♥

Muehehe ♥ Today is kinda a big day for me cause i went to my UNDANG EXAM and heyyy ! I PASS-ed ♥ ! WooHoo Baby ! xD Sweet sence of passing the exam . Wahaha :D Ohkayy . 2 days before the exam i slept at 5a.m something     just because of editing my blog so my bloggie has a new cover and a nice face ♥ haha . Kayyy , one day before exam i slept at 2a.m something because of rushing to finish reading the L exercise book :) I was online-ing face book and skype sooooo yeahh a HUUUGE distraction for me while im reading . Hehe :p Especially when one my girlfriends are so sad with incident that happened to her lately . Hmm :( Stay strong girl ! Kiee , back to topic . I woke up at 7.30 a.m something and because of scared that i cant wake up at my big day , i purposely slept on the coutch at my living room and hell i cant get a good night sleep . At least i still wake up from my awful sleep lol :) Haha . I bath and prepare myself arrived at IMKEDA at 8.10am something that ? [ i didnt really check the time cause im too nervouse about it :p ] Arrived there then saw the counter is empty with people so i waited outside where there's iron chair to sit . Then a while i went back to the counter there and saw two guys are writing something on the book [ actauuly their checking in ] and i thought maybe i should check in too ? But im not sure if they're same category with me so i just walk away and sit at same spot on the iron chair . I was day dreaming then suddenly i realised that those two guys are sitting behind me . So i asked them what category their in and they say their having motor exam today . Haha ! Good thing i didnt check in just now ==' I told them im having undang exam and they told me that many people with the same category with me is waiting outside and inside the counter and thanks to them i know whr to go now . Haha :D After a while i think 9am something FINALLY there's a human who work at the counter there came in . I waited people to be less crowded first but i forgot that if i dont queue up now i have to wait longer . I went to the line to WAIT again and when its finally my turn that worker told me to wait to another room . F , i queue up for what ? == The room i went has computer there so i try to do the exercise there and NOOO ! I FAILED @@ got 41/50 , there goes my confidence == met a guy there with the same age as mine and yeah we're friends now :) i dont know how long we waited [ just few minutes like 10 or 20 ] another worker ask us to go out . We sat on a van and went to the place to take the exam . Arrived there at 10 something and haha ! I met my classmate there , wai lik :)  We've chat bout school days at last year to let time pass and when its his turn its already 11.30 something . I went back to my 'group' and made friends there too :) We waited at outside that place and went in dont know what time . Wai lik walks out from the examination room at 12 something and he told me he got 40/50 . Awwh ! Failed :( Its ok , try nex time :) i went in the examination room at 12.30 soemthing and came nearly 10 minutes after that . Wahaha ! Fast lehh XD so i wait AGAIN to get my result and after 10 person of my group got their result we went back to IMKEDA and ask for face book accounts , phone number and etc . After i had luch with dad and bro i went back to home do a lil bit housework then sleep a whole day long , haa ! I slept at evening and woke up at 9pm something . Long right ? Watced BURLESQUE and then typing this post :p k , imma go shower after i'm done and its nearly 1am now .  Thats all for today and i am so glad i passed the exam . Woohooo ! XD ♥


People that i've reconised today is :
- Puteri BelianaHidayah
-Sabreena
-Amirul Zharif
-Firdaus
-Amin 


-a guy who look lansi that doesnt mix with us and 2 sweet big sis :) stay in touch people ! x) ♥

Optimistic ♥

Muehehe ♥ yeu jin sis says im optimistic ? Well yeah i think so xD Well , sometimes when your facing any problems you dont ask why or how or any question like that lah . Just accept the truth and live on with it :) What i see in the reality is people keep judging god for sometimes . Eventhough they dont realise it but yeahh they are @@ Well for me i rather solve a problem quick and healthily instead of feeling awful bout it :) I'l just pray to god to help and guide me through all the hardships that im facing . I love my god more then anything :D i know HE can help me from mentally or physically ;) My mum always a good person . She thought me to be cool and positive all the time :) she's a wise mother :D always found a good way to solve a problem x) i want to be like her :D mature and optimistic . I just hope my friends know how to settle their problems when im not around to lend a hand . Sometimes when you have friends that depends too much on you they'l just hope you to help them instead of solving problems themselves . Its not that im saying this is bad or what but we have to look the negative side too lol . Your not a spoilt child but a spoilt friend , who can help you when your alone on some circumstance ? How can you solve a problem with your own faith ? When will you learn to solve a problem by yourselve ? Its important lol . Besides that , we cant blame all the incidents that happened on ourselves to someone's shoulder . You have to try to be in their shoes also . Try to know if your the one who got blamed and whats the feeling of it ? Does that person feels the same ? Have to understand others more then only you can be a better person . This way you'l know how to solve problems without hurting other feelings . But some situation we just cant avoid lol :) So pandai2 jelah nk face the truth :p muahaha ~ Im on my way to be more mature also :D living is about learning , just see what's your interested with . I'm interested with alot of things ! Such as art , psycology , islam [ religion ] , and alot of things ! But alas , the knowledge for all the things im interested are limited . But i still want to learn , to be a useful person :) Maybe im not good in my academy results but i know im good in something . Everyone has their own skills in something :D And yes im having more n more confidence in myself now compare the old me :) haha . Thanks to all the teachers to have camps and friends that helped me and also wanted my help . Reminding them is like reminding yourselve . So when im in the same situation with them i'l remember the moral of their story and find a solution . Haha ! Ohkay , my post ends here . noiteee :D